Sometimes I wonder why certain people come into our lives. There are so many people who used to be important in my life who have ceased to be. I console myself with the thought that everyone comes into my life for a reason, and that doesn't necessarily mean they will stay there forever. I made a certain friend or friends in whatever grade to help me at that particular point in my life. For example, I made an awesome friend during my senior year at UMD. He was exactly what I needed to keep me excited about German, about music, and just life in general at the time. I still miss him when I think about him, but we've clearly moved on with our separate lives and I will someday accept that. Until then, I will continue to be grateful for his existence, just like I continue to be grateful for the existence of all the other once-important people from my life.
And then there are the somewhat new people, much like my senior year friend, who suddenly find a place in my life, and I find myself wondering, "Why did I let them into my life? What made them special, or important, or meaningful to me that I just let them in without question?" That's not to say those people aren't special, important, or meaningful to me. It's just that I didn't realize they were until they were already in my life. And now I'm questioning how I let myself accept them into my world without even realizing it. And then I think, "I'm more brilliant than I thought." I keep myself pretty closed off from people, keeping most, if not all, new people at a safe distance, oftentimes without even realizing that I'm doing it. But then there are the few people who sneak their way through my walls and all of a sudden I have another important person in my life.
It's amazing that I subconsciously let myself open up to certain people without even noticing I'm doing it, because I subconsciously realize how great these people are, and how much I want or need them in my life. My brain, my heart, my something makes this decision for me to let these people in. How cool is that?
Let's go back to the people who have stayed important throughout most of my life. I am finally realizing just how much I need them to survive. The family and friends that I choose to love and accept and see the real me-- they're some of the reasons I get out of bed in the morning. And it took me almost to my 23rd birthday to realize that. The plus side is, I'm not in my 90s ;) I have plenty of life to live with them and away from them, to appreciate and spend time with them, to laugh and cry with them. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
Whether there's a God up there, a goddess, a spirit, or some other force of life subtly guiding me through my life, it's moments like these that I can almost feel a force connecting me with the people I care about. And it's moments like these that I can almost believe in The Force, or something close to it. Maybe George Lucas had this all figured out years ago! I think I'll highlight his name on my "People I'd Like to Meet" list now...
read, write, live.
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