Do you ever just get so bogged down with things you cannot change, that you feel like giving up? Does it ever depress you so much, it makes you want to cry or scream?
I tutor students K-3 in Reading, and I can honestly answer "Yes" to both questions I posed above.
Sometimes, I feel so helpless. I can only do so much for these kids, and that's that. I can't even help all of them. There's not enough time in the world to help every single kid become a successful reader. Especially when they have learning disabilities, behavioral disorders, or home life interfering with their learning.
It just sucks knowing there isn't anything I can do about it. Just like there's nothing I can do about the fact that my mother can go 6 months without talking to her daughters and think it's ok. Or the fact that she sent us cards in the mail telling us she wouldn't talk to us for that long. Or the fact that she will never be the mother I need her to be, and she'll never own up to her past transgressions, because she may or may not realize she did anything wrong.
She has no idea or won't admit she has a mental illness. She will not ever gain my trust back fully, and I will continue to retrace our conversations afterwards to make sure I didn't divulge too much personal information while talking to her.
The only thing I can do in both of these situations is live in the now, appreciate the good times, no matter how small, and try not to get so bogged down with the shitty and emotionally draining facts of my life.
Easier said than done.
