I love Saturdays. I finally have them to myself after a year and a half of working almost every weekend. I now realize just how much I was missing out on. Especially this particular Saturday. It's peaceful; a cool September breeze coming in through the window, a mug of perfectly brewed pumpkin spice Keurig machine coffee resting on the window sill. An afternoon to muse, to write, to think.
I try to appreciate moments like these, when I realize I have all the time in the world to ponder the meanings of life and think about all the reasons I have to be happy-- at this moment. I am the perfect combination of chilly and warm. My hands are cold, but they keep moving because of my incessant typing. My newly purchased-with-birthday-money cardigan is keeping me the perfect temperature. I had a wonderful birthday full of friends, laughter, and happiness. With it came gifts and new things for me to add to my already overstuffed closet and apartment. And with that comes trepidation: did I make the right decision? Should I have waited to purchase things I may need in the future? I figure, it's my birthday, why not make myself the happiest I can be with the gifts I received from others?
Shopping is a nasty habit of mine, one which I continue to struggle with. Although this time around, it's perfectly legit; what, with the gift cards I received and all the meaningful things I purchased for myself and our apartment. Next step: make a monthly budget and stick to it!
It's not often I find myself alone in our apartment. Any other day this week and I would have dreaded it. But not this day. Not this beautiful fall Saturday. I am perfectly at peace with myself and my thoughts and my computer to keep them on.
I think I write in this blog for my own sanity more than anything else. Where others may have monthly or even weekly therapist visits, I have blogging sessions every 2-4 months. Maybe a therapist would help me more, but I like blogging to myself. Even if it means I post it for all to see. You see, I'm well aware that I don't open up to people very well, and if even one of the important people in my life reads this post, it will have been worth it-- for me, and for them.
I just want to take a tape recorder to my mind on days like these. I haven't yet found the most productive way to record all the important thoughts circling my brain. I think that's what writers truly are. They're the people in the world who find a way to record the parts of their thoughts that mean something to themselves and possibly to others, and document them forever. I can only hope to have that kind of an impact on myself, let alone on others. But I do fancy myself a writer, even if I don't write as often as a writer probably "should."
On that note, I'd like to cut myself off there.
Happy Autumn!
